White Clay feels different today. The air is much more still and aside from the noise beneath my feet I am surrounded by silence. I look around and find three fallen leaves that grab my attention. The first one is green, oval leaf with slightly serrated edges, belonging to the American Elm tree. The next leaf is long and green with four lobes on either side. This leaf had fallen from a White Oak tree. The final leaf I found is orange with three points on both sides that appears to be from a Sycamore tree.
Ever since last week I can’t seem to get the blue and black butterfly out of my head. I was so intrigued with its beauty that I had to figure out its name. It was a Red-Spotted Purple. I was hoping that I would see my butterfly friend again but I wasn’t expecting to. I turned around a corner in the path and I immediately stopped. There it was. Right in front on me in the exact same spot as I first saw it. I almost burst into tears. I’ve heard that butterflies are signs from loved ones who have passed and that specifically blue butterflies in your presence are asking you to look at healing. When I was young my dad passed away and the past year and a half has been exceptionally hard. I was too young to get a chance to know him and the absence of him from my major life accomplishments so far has left me feeling empty lately. In the beginning of the year I met a boy, and he began to bring my life out of the shadows. He made all of my sad feelings disappear and I have never connected more with someone. I had never been happier. He left about a month ago to join the Navy and we decided not to continue our relationship. Ever since then, I have been absolutely devastated and broken. Seeing this butterfly causes all of those emotions to swirl around in my head, yet my heart feel safe and warm at the same time. It’s hard to believe that my recent depressing emotions will fade, but maybe this butterfly is a sign from my dad, saying that I’m going to get through this dark time in my life and that my heart will soon heal.
The butterfly flutters onto a bush and allows me to get unbelievably close to it. It landed in a bright circle of sunshine, where I can see every fiber in its wings. It reminds me of Haskell’s passage, “the sunfleck’s sweep across the mandala illuminates everything in its path…iridescent wasps and flies shine like metal shavings scattered across the mandala.” The blue at the base of the butterfly’s wings shines like a reflector in the sunlight. This creature is absolutely breathtaking. After examining the butterfly’s wings, I notice that the edges are broken. Small chunks are missing from the base of its wings, like something just plucked them off. I instantly feel a sense of spiritual connection with this butterfly. She is broken, and some of her pieces are missing; yet she still shines and emits such beauty as she ever so independently flutters around the forest. She doesn’t let her missing pieces slow her down or have any effect on her natural beauty; I need to do the same. I can’t let my broken heart stand in the way of me and my happiness anymore. The butterfly made me believe that it’s possible to still be beautiful and carry on loving life, even when you may feel otherwise because you’re filled with missing pieces. The enthrallment that I now have for this butterfly is surely overwhelming, and I never really believed in spirit animals up until today.