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In this excerpt from an interview with Oprah Winfrey, Maya Angelou talks about her understanding of gratitude https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACa4ZpigtZg

We also read this poem: 

                                                                 I Am Thankful For

                                                               by Nancy J Carmody

I am thankful for

…..the mess to clean up after a party
because it means I have been surrounded by friends.

​…..the taxes that I pay
because it means that I’m employed.

…..the clothes that fit a little too snug
because it means I have enough to eat.

​…..my shadow who watches me work
because it means I am out in the sunshine.

​…..the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot
because it means I am capable of walking.

​…..all the complaining I hear about our Government
because it means we have freedom of speech.

​…..that lady behind me in church who sings offkey
​because it means that I can hear.

​…..lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing
because it means I have a home.

…..my huge heating bill
because it means that I am warm.

​…..weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day
because it means that I have been productive.

…..the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours
because it means that I am alive.

We used these sources as a writing prompt. The following quotations might also serve this purpose: 

Quotations:

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”― Epicurus

Above all, I have been a sentient being, a thinking animal, on this beautiful planet, and that in itself has been an enormous privilege and adventure.” ― Oliver Sacks 

“Take full account of what Excellencies you possess, and in gratitude remember how you would hanker after them, if you had them not.”― Marcus Aurelius

 “When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.”― G.K. Chesterton

Since the Writing as Healing group happened to meet on November 11, Memorial Day, we focused on the theme of courage.

We discussed the meaning of courage: physical courage, taking risks, doing or facing difficult things, or sticking with something when it would be easier to turn away. Then we wrote on this prompt:

Write about an example of courage that has affected your life. As always, feel free to follow whatever path the writing takes, even if it seems to be going off topic.

After discussing what participants had written, we considered the following quotations, which might serve as prompts for further writing:

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”– Nelson Mandela

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” — Winston Churchill

“Courage is grace under pressure.” — Ernest Hemingway

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

“Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace.” — Victor Hugo

“There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake of something greater.

But sometimes it doesn’t.

Sometimes it is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of every day, the slow walk toward a better life.

That is the sort of bravery I must have now.”
― Veronica Roth

We often hear about the importance of love and of charity, and it might be worth talking about what each of those words means.

When I was looking for quotes to use in this session, “love” was associated with romantic love, and “charity” with giving alms. What might be needed is a word that indicates feeling what we normally describe as love, but not with a romantic limitation. In Italian, “amore” means romantic love. You wouldn’t say “Amo,” I love, your parent or child. You would say “Ti voglio bene” — I wish you well, or I wish good for you. That’s how you say that you love someone who is not a romantic subject. Is that a good way to define charity? To define love? I wish well for you? Does one have to do more than wish? To aid in thinking about different kinds of love, here’s a meme that appeared on Facebook:

Writing exercise: After thinking about those questions, you might want to write about how love or charity — both or either — plays a role in your life right now. That might refer to intimate connections such as spouses, children, or parents, but it might also been seen in more general terms. How does giving or receiving love or charity fit into your life now?

Any of these quotations might also serve as a prompt for writing.

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.” — Dalai Lama

“Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

“Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat.” — Ben Hecht

“True charity is the desire to be useful to others with no thought of recompense.” — Emanuel Swedenborg

“Charity brings to life again those who are spiritually dead.” — Thomas Aquinas

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” — Booker T. Washington

As we all know, what other people say to us can be a source of significant emotional distress. A toxic remark can stick with us for days, even if it wasn’t especially important to the person who said it, and even if that person is not particularly important to us. It might even be someone we don’t know at all, such as an online troll. The remark might seem smug, know-it-all, dismissive of our concerns, or in some other way demeaning and just infuriating.

To begin thinking about this topic, you might want to do the following two writing exercises:

First, think of a time when someone made a remark that really bothered you. Or, if this behavior is habitual with someone in your life, you might think of a few examples. Now write for ten minutes about how those remarks make you feel. This is a time to say everything in writing that you really feel, even if you wouldn’t say it out loud to anyone. Let loose. Be as emotional as you like. The goal is to get at what we’re feeling when this kind of thing happens. As you go along, pay attention to how your body feels – jaw clamped, tightness in belly. If you feel embarrassed by your feelings, as if you shouldn’t be feeling that way, that’s also something to write about.

For the second half of this exercise, write about why you care so much. Why does it matter what that person said? What is it in you that gets in the way of just shrugging it off and forgetting about it? That’s not to suggest that there’s something wrong with being bothered by such remarks. The goal is to take a non-judgmental look at the buttons in us that are pushed by toxic remarks.

In this month’s session, we also discussed taking a step back to shine a light on the other person, rather than letting them frame the discussion in a way that keeps us on the defensive. Why might they be talking that way? What does it say about them? If someone says, “You’re too sensitive,” for instance, doesn’t that suggest that they’re shallow or at least tone-deaf? If there’s merit in what they said, of course it makes sense to make the necessary changes in ourselves. But the  problem might lie with them, not with us, if they are in fact being thoughtless or manipulative.

Here are a few quotations that might serve as prompts for further writing.

“I will not allow anyone to walk in my mind with dirty feet.” – Mahatma Gandhi

“When you notice someone does something toxic the first time, don’t wait for the second time before you address it or cut them off. Many survivors are used to the “wait and see” tactic which only leaves them vulnerable to a second attack. As your boundaries get stronger, the wait time gets shorter. You never have justify your intuition.” ― Shahida Arabi

“If someone thinks you’re being dramatic or selfish, then they obviously haven’t walked a mile in your shoes. It’s not important for you to explain yourself. You get a pass here. Don’t let anyone else try to saddle you with guilt or shame. If you need your space, take it.”
― Sarah Newman

Some people are in such utter darkness that they will burn you just to see a light. Try not to take it personally.” ― Kamand Kojouri

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“Many times, people who are toxic are dealing with their own stresses and traumas. To do this, they act in ways that don’t present them in the best light and usually upset others along the way.” — WebMD

This month, we used Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Not Taken” as a springboard to discuss how we feel about decisions years after we’ve made them. Here is the poem — or, if you prefer, you can listen to Frost reading it here.

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN, by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Using this poem as a prompt, you might want to write about whatever memories or reflections come to mind as you think about what it means.

You might also want to use one or more of these quotations as the basis for writing:

“I don’t know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, ‘Well, if I’d known better I’d have done better,’ that’s all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, ‘I’m sorry,’ and then you say to yourself, ‘I’m sorry.’ If we all hold on to the mistake, we can’t see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can’t see what we’re capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one’s own self.” – Maya Angelou

“Just because it didn’t work doesn’t mean it was the wrong choice. The world is full of probabilities, not certainties.” ― James Clear

“Is life a game of yes or no? I wonder about the absolutes that we try to create for ourselves, our relationship, our life choices. We try to make things black and white when sometimes it is much more grey.” ― Savi Sharma

I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision. — Eleanor Roosevelt

At this month’s Writing as Healing workshop, we considered this poem by Jenny Jacobs:

When I Am an Old Woman, I Shall Wear Purple

By Jenny Jacobs

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

We discussed the following question, which you might want to use as a prompt for writing:

How do we find a balance between these two values? (1) being considerate, meeting our obligations, and not leaving others in the lurch because we’re being self-indulgent; versus (2) authenticity, no more need to impress people, and being free to do what makes us happy as long as it isn’t hurting anyone

Writing prompt: With all this in mind, how do you see your life now as opposed to when you were 20 years younger? It might help to take a moment to think about where you were, what you were doing, what was important to you then.

You might also like to use one or more of these quotations as prompts for writing:

“The older I get, the more I like myself. I’m not afraid to say what I think, even if it’s not popular.” – Coco Chanel

“Age is not important unless you’re a cheese.” – Luis Bunuel

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anais Nin

“It’s not about being different, it’s about being yourself.” – Ellen DeGeneres

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” – Oscar Wilde

 \We’ve all faced situations in which other people urge us to make a particular decision, such as having a certain medical treatment or staying in a difficult marriage, when we ourselves would prefer to do something else. Difficult as those disagreements might be, though, it can be even harder to make a decision when the conflict is internal — that is, we’re not sure in our own minds what the right decision is, whether for ourselves or for others.

As an aid to making good decisions, it might be useful to spend some time thinking about the internal factors that influence how we think. As an example, some older women, in particular, were taught to feel  responsible for other people’s emotions and happiness, as if it would be selfish even to consider our own needs or preferences when deciding whether to do what someone else wants us to do. Similarly, some people might have been conditioned to avoid conflict at all costs and to avoid taking risks, while others might have been conditioned to do the opposite.

Writing exercise: What were you taught as a child and as a young adult about how you should make decisions, whether for yourself or for others? As you think about how you feel and behave when you have to make a decision, are you still being influenced by that early training? The objective is not necessarily to judge your early training as good or bad, but to increase self-knowledge about what internal factors influence you when you’re faced with a decision.

You might also want to consider the following factors that psychologists have identified as possible influences on the way people make decisions and how they feel about those decisions afterward.

* Putting your own needs on hold to the point that you start to feel resentful.

* Making excuses for other people’s persistent bad behavior, such as that the person had a difficult childhood or went through some sort of trauma.

* Feeling hesitant to set boundaries as to what you will or won’t do for another person, or how often you’ll to let them get away with doing the same unacceptable thing without meaningful consequences.

* Feeling responsible for solving the other person’s problems, or for “making” them feel better.  

* Ignoring a problem or glossing over it in order to avoid conflict, or because you’re afraid of how the person might react to what you see as the truth, or because you’re afraid that they won’t love you any more.

 Finally, you might want to use one or more of these quotations as a prompt for writing.

 “‘No’ is a complete sentence.” — Annie Lamott

 “Intentional or not, I was being taught that my discomfort was unimportant and that the potential of upsetting another outweighed my own feelings.” ― Michelle Elman

 “Whether they’re family or friends, manipulators are difficult to escape from. Give in to their demands and they’ll be happy enough, but if you develop a spine and start saying no, it will inevitably bring a fresh round of head games and emotional blackmail. You’ll notice that breaking free from someone else’s dominance will often result in them accusing you of being selfish. Yes, you’re selfish, because you’ve stopped doing what they want you to do for them. Wow. Can these people hear themselves?!” ― Rosie Blythe

This month’s Writing as Healing session focused on the importance of support, whether from groups and individuals, from relatives and friends, or from strangers.

You might want to begin by writing for 10 minutes or so about what support means in your life — both receiving it and giving it. One way to approach this topic might be to envision what your life would be like without the support that you receive and that you give.

You might also want to use any of these quotations as the starting point for reflective writing.

“Life’s most urgent question is: ‘What are you doing for others?'” — Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Sometimes the only thing you could do for people was to be there.” — Terry Pratchett

“A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success.” — Anonymous

“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” – Helen Keller

“No one can whistle a symphony. It takes a whole orchestra to play it.” – H.E. Luccock

“Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs, the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what.”  — Anonymous

In this video, poet Maya Angelou speaks about the importance of all the people from whom she has received acts of kindness.

After watching it, you might want to write for 10 minutes or so about whatever comes to your mind as you think about the video.

You might also want to use one or more of these quotations as a prompt for writing:

“Do things for people not because of who they are or what they do in return, but because of who you are.” – Harold S. Kushner

“Because that’s what kindness is. It’s not doing something for someone else because they can’t, but because you can.” – Andrew Iskander

“Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.” – Scott Adams

“That is what compassion does. It challenges our assumptions, our sense of self-limitation, worthlessness, of not having a place in the world, our feelings of loneliness and estrangement. These are narrow, constrictive states of mind. As we develop compassion, our hearts open.” —Sharon Salzberg

Now that it’s spring, this month’s session focused on new beginnings, on starting each day afresh. We began by discussing a poem:

Poem by a contemporary South Korean poet, born 1970

 In the Morning on a New Day by Joon-tae Moon

A new day has come.

We’re wearing the morning sunlight abask.

The sunlight is soft like music of love.

Mornings are always positive.

Mornings resemble very considerate people

Who nod through things easily.

Yesterday’s melancholy and sorrow

Have passed like clouds.

There’s neither obligation nor need

To dredge up yesterday’s troubles.

Simply, we only need to completely

Forget about yesterday’s things in this morning.

A new day is in front of us.

How fortunate it is!

How grateful it is!

We only need to start again.

In today’s session, we discussed each stanza separately, and you might like to use any one of the stanzas, or the poem as a whole, as the basis for writing.

Here are some additional quotations on this topic that might serve as prompts for writing whatever comes into your mind as you think about them.

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

“We can easily manage if we will only take, each day, the burden appointed to it. But the load will be too heavy for us if we carry yesterday’s burden over again today, and then add the burden of the morrow before we are required to bear it.” – John Newton

One is doing well if age improves even slightly one’s capacity to hold on to that vital truism: “This too shall pass.” — Alain de Botton

 Just keep in mind: the more we value things outside our control, the less control we have. — Epictetus

 Never ruin a good day by thinking about a bad yesterday. — Unknown

 People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. They prefer suffering that is familiar to the unknown. — Thich Nhat Hanh

 Feelings are just visitors. Let them come and go. — Mooji