Submitted by Marina Ward on the 2019 spring semester DIS program in Copenhagen, Denmark…
Hello. I would like to share now a zoomed-out summary of the emotional rollercoaster that was my first week.
Let me tell you, this was not what I expected. I think there’s a lot of pressure that comes with study abroad and the expectation that it’s going to be the best semester of your life because you’re in a great, big, beautiful place with fresh opportunities and connections to make, so why shouldn’t it be? At the same time, that’s a lot to live up to! You’re thrown into a foreign place with a bunch of people, all so excited by what is to come, of course, but there’s a lot of uncertainty that accompanies it as well. As a Communications major, I understand that it’s in our human nature to combat such uncertainty and can say that I especially do not do well with any un-knowing. I hope not to be too blunt and cause worry to my parents or family, but I also want to be realistic for any future students reading this—my first week was really hard for a lot of reasons.
Let me first say that everything came in high highs and low lows. I would feel fantastic and excited one minute and horribly depressed the next. Sometimes I loved living with a family and being removed from the city, sometimes I was very upset that I wasn’t with other students or living in an urban setting. I felt good with the friends I had made, but I felt I could never love anyone as much as I love my friends at the University of Delaware. It’s really important to be self-aware at this time. I knew I was just being impatient; I would grow to love and take comfort in the suburbs and couldn’t possibly match the friendships I had built over years in a matter of days. I just had to let go and take my time settling down.
Full disclosure, I didn’t do super well adjusting. Like I said, it was high highs and low lows. These started as little doubts and reconciliations, but over a matter of days grew to be seismic waves. By Thursday, I was sitting with a new friend, studying after class and trying not to cry because I was overwhelmed and unhappy. I felt even worse because, hello, I was in Copenhagen! I made it! What could I possibly have to complain about?? At least I was here! Also, I loved my host family so much, so why wasn’t I happy in their home? But at the same time, I had anticipated that I would have a difficult transition. If you recall from my pre-departure post, I predicted that I would need to work hard to not compare my experience to those of other students. This proved even more difficult than I had thought, as friends I had met and ones I knew from UD were making plans to check out pubs and clubs while I was lazy and exhausted, 45 minutes outside the city in a house where everyone was in bed quite early and I was still awake, jet lagged until 3am. I was envious of my friends who could cook whatever they wanted, be surrounded by other Americans, and pop out into the city at night or home during the day to nap between classes. My independence was challenged and I was struggling to find my footing.
I also thought of my friends in other cities. Why had I chosen such a random place to go? What on earth am I doing in DENMARK of all places?? I honestly never thought I would visit this country in my life. The program I had veered from at the last minute was a study abroad to Rome, one that five of some of my closest friends would end up being on. I wondered what had possessed me to want to be on my own making new friends rather than bonding with ones I already had and meeting more. I kicked myself quite a few times for taking such a risk.
I think another part of the reason I was thrown off is because I am usually super adaptable and can snap into place wherever I go. On the other hand, I am an intense planner and can’t always prepare myself for sudden changes. I had spent a few semesters dreaming of my time abroad and building up quite a fantasy that wasn’t exactly met at first when I got here. Don’t get me wrong, the reality is better! I am happy!! But the initial shock was something I didn’t (and couldn’t) anticipate.
Looking back now, I can barely even remember the sheer helplessness I felt. It took me a while to recall the reasons I chose DIS and my goals for going abroad.