Kaitlyn,
Remember that Tuesday? That Tuesday in September your freshman year. That Tuesday only six weeks into season. That Tuesday you were finally cleared to play after pulling your quad. That Tuesday after Princeton, after the 6 am swim workout because you guys lost. That Tuesday after video, the very last play of practice, the very last cut on Rullo you would ever make. That Tuesday.
That Tuesday your life took a sharp turn and never looked back. You found yourself in a sticky situation between the baseline and stroke, all you wanted to do was get into a better scoring position. Instead, your knee shifted out, and you pulled it back thinking you could avoid another ACL injury. Wrong. Rather you tore everything from your LCL, to both sides of your meniscus, to your MCL, to your ACL degenerating, allowing your PCL to hold the joint together by a thread.
You needed crutches, there was no way you could walk on that sad excuse of a joint. But, crutches aren’t only there to help you walk. You will soon realize the crutches were a symbol, the crutches were preparing you for what life was about to throw your way. You needed those crutches more than you will ever know.
Just remember, it is not your fault. How were you supposed to know?
People always say, “everything happens for a reason.”
But, what you could never figure out was why you? Why was it you that had to come in with a prior ACL injury. Why was it you that one day stopped in the midst of training and thought, “Wow. I have a feeling I am going to majorly mess up my knee in college.” Why did you continue? What inside of you said, “This may happen, but it is worth it?” Why was it you that actually sustained a career ending injury six weeks into your freshman season.? Why did it have to be you that has never had a college semester that did not include surgery, injections, or physical therapy on top of academics, and field hockey? Why did your knee consistently reject the help that was offered to it?
Why did you still smile, and carry on like everything was fine? You wanted everyone to believe you were “fine”.
And it was. Everything was “fine”-“fine” circumstantially. Things were fine because you earned the opportunity to wear Delaware across your chest on the field hockey pitch. Things were fine because you scored a game-winning goal. Things were fine because you watched your team dominate the CAA Championship while you smiled through an allergic reaction to a cortisone injection. Things were fine because you believed you could overcome Duke to make it to the final four. Things were fine because you were on the first National Championship Field Hockey team in Delaware’s history.
Remember crutching up to your parents after beating Princeton in the Final Four and saying, “Guys, were going to win the National Championship. I have a feeling I won’t ever be able to play again, and that is okay if we win. I scored a game winning goal, and won a National Championship- that’s more than I could have asked for.”
The tears slowly fell down their cheeks as they thought they began to understand why this happened to me.
Those crutches that got you from class to class, doctor to surgery, rehab to injections, championships to failures, were signifying something greater. Your knee consistently rejecting help was sending the same message.
You needed to learn how to depend on people, and not reject the help offered because you did not want to inconvenience others. People are in your corner, you need to realize it, you need to utilize them.
After two years on and off crutches you thought the worst of life was over, you turned in the crutches for your own legs, and learned how to walk on your own.
Family was your main crutch. Family meant everything- family never left your side.
What you did not realize was that family possesses a very flexible meaning.
Family used to mean those who are related by blood to you. Blood is a very strong bond, a very strong bond that once broken is hard to tie back together.
The bond broke. You found yourself tumbling, grasping for a crutch.
Life has funny way of making a full circle. Now it hit you. You understood! You realized that the crutches were showing you if you want to make it out alive—you need to use your crutches.
Your mom, your brothers, your sister, your roommates, teammates, friends, support staff.
This is your new family.
Family. This family was not completely bound by blood, but by love, support, care, compassion.
These people put you first, these people are your crutch and help you stand on your own two feet. These people saw the hurt and the struggle. These people knew that you could not do this alone. These people are your family.
Family is not defined as a blood bond anymore. Family is defined as a group of people who love and care about each other to put their own personal needs/wants aside to fill a hole- to help make each other feel complete.
Crutches. It always comes back to the crutches.