As a junior who lives off campus and is responsible for learning how to actually feed himself and buy essentials (paper towels, toilet papers, soap, etc) on a regular basis with a limited budget, I will very rarely buy name brand items. Bounty paper towels and Kleenex tissues are a thing of the distant past for me, having to resort to the sandpaper-like paper products from Walgreen’s “Nice!” brand that make every bodily function everything but. Yet, there is one thing that I will always purchase every time it’s available, even if it means that I have no money for napkins and I have to “borrow” a roll of them from Trabant (note: this is rude and quite potentially illegal, so do not do this): Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuit Mix.

Red LobsterFor those of you who have never had the mind-numbing glory of indulging in the most delicious food in creation, let me explain. The intoxicating aroma of these slices of heaven will entice you the second you pop them in the oven. They are as soft as a pack of bunnies hopping on a cloud, and will engage senses and tastes that you didn’t even know existed. If that’s not enough for you, here are some other things to keep in mind:

Ease. All you need to create this delightful ambrosia is some water, some cheese, some butter, and an oven (food staples for all college kids who are living off campus). Throw the some cheese, the premade dough, and some water in a bowl, mix it around for a couple of seconds, and throw it in the oven; in a mere fifteen minutes, your taste buds will be exploding in ecstasy. There’s no fuss, no mess, and next to no effort necessary to forge this delicacy.

Versatility. Don’t get me wrong, these biscuits are fantastic on their own, and you really don’t want to mess with perfection. But, if you’re looking to fulfill more than just the grains part of your daily food pyramid, try these on for size:

-Want a sandwich? These biscuits are a perfect substitute for bread! I made breakfast sandwiches using these biscuits, an egg white omlette, and some bacon, and the result could out NDB to shame.

-Looking for something a little sweeter? Substitute the cheese for some chocolate chips and add some Nutella when they’re finished cooking, and you have the perfect chocolate-ly goodness to help fight off whatever midterms stress you’re fighting!

-Looking for a low carb option? These biscuits make for great croutons, as well! Divide them into pieces and throw them in with some lettuce and tomatoes and watch as every bite becomes entrenched with doughy goodness. And, if you want to go the extra mile, mix the Garlic Herb packet with some olive oil instead of butter, and you have the perfect salad dressing!

As I hope you can see, Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits are by far one of the greatest inventions ever thought up by man. Whether you’re just too lazy to make the trek over to Russell, or you’re on your last dime at Superfresh, I urge you all to take the plunge and treat yourself; your lives will change forever.

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Chelsey Anne Rodowicz

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