Before we move into the academic strategies for success, I want to provide some insight into why I will regularly bring up mental health and self-care in my classes. I am one of those people who does a million things, saying yes to just about everything that everyone asks of me and trying my hardest to do it all so that I don’t let anyone down.

For years I was successful in this hyperactive mode. I graduated high school at 17 and college at 21. By working overtime in my first job out of college, I paid off my student loans by 23. I completed my master’s degree full-time while working nearly full-time at the White House, first as an unpaid intern and then as professional staff. Despite not initially intending to do so, I finished my doctoral degree by 28. After bouncing around a few jobs looking for the right fit, including a stint at the Brookings Institution think-tank in Washington, DC, I settled on the University of Delaware in 2011. I successfully achieved tenure and am now well settled into academic life.

But despite these accomplishments, I have battled anxiety off and on since college. It was a warning signal I deliberately ignored for years. My work-life imbalance contributed in part to my divorce several years ago, as I relentlessly juggled too many work commitments and neglected my most important personal relationship: my marriage. That was a hard lesson to learn and I accept my responsibility for it.

But my work-life imbalance really came to a head two years ago as I again said yes to way too many things at work. I got a classic case of burnout, finding it physically and emotionally taxing to do more than the bare minimum every day. I couldn’t get anything done on time, everything suffered and I was feeling ashamed of myself all the time. I drank too much alcohol, watched way too much mindless television, wasn’t sleeping well, my blood pressure shot up, and I put on weight. I was emotional and quick to anger. I felt socially isolated from friends and family. Frankly, I was a hot mess.

It has taken these past two years for me to find balance again after burnout. My journey to recovery began well before quarantine but this time spent at home has given me the space and time to recommit to my health and rediscover my why: in helping you learn and accomplish your goals.

If there is one bit of advice I can offer it is this: graduate school is hard. It is very hard. It will ask way more of you than you think you can give. It is more than a 40-hour a week job. Most likely, you will need to work every day. You will get tired and frustrated. You will at some point question yourself- your intelligence, your abilities, your sanity. Your personal relationships may suffer, especially with those persons closest to you. This is normal, but it is not healthy.

Strategies

Let’s talk through some strategies to help bolster your mental health during this difficult time. I derived these strategies partially from my own trial and error over the years, and partially from listening to podcasts or audiobooks from scholars and authors who I respect and admire. A list of those resources is provided at the end of this post.

First, and most importantly, know thyself. Take a few minutes every day to reflect on how you are feeling- physically and emotionally. I do this reflective check-in several times a day, but at least twice when I walk my dog in the morning and evening. I take a deep breath as I walk out the door, listening to my body for aches and pains, and listening to my mind for anxieties and concerns. I listen, acknowledge, and let go. I don’t judge, I accept. These are the basic foundations of mindfulness.

Some people suggest journaling, as it is an easy way to get down your thoughts and feelings and help you recognize patterns that you might otherwise be ignoring. It is free and convenient therapy. Try to just describe what you feel and think, without judging yourself. Some people recommend doing this practice in the morning- for me, it is best done before bed. Also, do it on real paper! The process of writing by hand is way more therapeutic than typing. As Kara Lowentheil coaches, once you have this brain dump in your journal you can go back to look for hidden thoughts that are often preventing you from feeling your best and realizing your goals. Her podcast Unf*ck Your Brain is a gold mine for helping you understand problems like perfectionism, procrastination, avoidance, anxiety, and more. Treat her podcast just like a school lecture and take notes! You’ll thank me later.

Deep breathing is a scientifically proven technique to calm your nerves and clear your mind, especially when our emotions are heightened and we might say or do something we might regret. All this technique involves is breathing deeply for several breaths, focusing on filling your lungs completely into your belly, and on the feel of the inhale and the exhale. Close your eyes too, if you can. When you focus your attention on your breathing, you cannot focus on whatever it is that has kicked up your emotions. Whenever your mind wanders, bring it back to your breath. Interrupting your racing thoughts and feelings through breathing can provide the break you need to act more thoughtfully and intentionally.

Research indicates that practicing gratitude can provide a big boost to our mental health. What are three things or people that you are grateful for — today — and why? These three things should be unique to the day. I am always grateful for my friends and family and my pets and my health and my job and my students and financial security, and the list goes on. But a daily gratitude practice pushes beyond the usual into the little things that happen to us each day that brings a smile or joy or relief. Sometimes it is my neighbor who mowed my lawn without asking or took out my garbage when I forgot, relieving some of the burdens I feel as a single person from an unruly list of house chores. Sometimes it is a friend who dropped a quick note to say they were thinking of me, which makes me feel seen and loved. Sometimes it is a killer playlist I found on Spotify that helped me shave 2 minutes off my latest 5k run. It might be random or regular, but whatever it is, acknowledging your gratitude can improve your mood immediately.

Giving to others is another proven way to help improve your mood. When we do something nice (and beyond the norm) for a friend, family member, neighbor, or a random person struggling with their groceries, we feel a sense of accomplishment and belonging in this human society. It can also be toward animals- I get a huge dose of mood-boosting chemicals from tending to my pets and horses, volunteering at the animal shelter, etc. For those of you who are caregivers, you may feel overtaxed as it is with all that you do for your children, parents, or partners. In that case, maybe look to one of the other strategies!

Connecting with other humans is especially important during this crazy COVID time. I live alone and am an introvert, who likes her space and time alone. But even for introverts, reaching out to family, friends, and neighbors on a regular basis is life-sustaining. Humans are social creatures. Schedule that into your day, just like any other activity. I make a lot of phone calls while walking my dog!

Last, but certainly not least, be deliberate and non-negotiable with your physical health. Eating well, sleeping well, drinking enough water, and getting enough exercise are critical for every person every day to have the energy needed to face the challenges of the day. I have struggled with chronic insomnia my whole adult life. I have tried everything and nothing works terribly well for me- sometimes it just is what it is. But eating well, drinking water, and getting daily exercise are the critical elements that helped me get through this past year of burnout and be my healthiest self today.

Those daily check-ins are important- if I’m anxious or angry, I know I need to go for a run, walk my dog, or do a yoga practice. The Nagoski sisters talk about needing to complete the stress response cycle in their book Burnout. Dance around, have a good cry, scream into the void. They will all help. If I’m feeling blah, I know I need to drink some water and eat some protein. Our brain is a muscle and needs water and macros to function, just like our legs and lungs do when we walk or run. Sunlight and fresh air are also hugely helpful to feeling balanced and as easy as a 10-minute walk.

Scheduling in your health is important, as it is an easier practice to continue once we’ve made it a habit. I meal plan and grocery shop on Sundays so that there is no question of what I will eat that is healthy when the time comes and I am exhausted and can’t think properly. I also plan out my exercise for the week, knowing the days and times that I will run, the exercises that I will do on non-run days, and so forth. Again, I do that so that I don’t have to think when the time comes, I just do what’s on my calendar. This planning reduces decision fatigue and reserves mental capacity for things that matter, like your graduate program! For insights into habit formation, google BJ Fogg and his book Tiny Habits.

Last, Tom Rath in his book Are You Fully Charged? argues that we need three things to get to a full charge in our lives: meaning, interactions, and energy. Rath found from surveys of thousands of people that people with less energy have more stress, not surprisingly. Most of the strategies I discussed target that third element of energy. They help to fill us up, mentally and physically, so we can take on life’s challenges. Later, we’ll get more into purpose and meaning, especially for brainstorming life after graduate school.

Resources

Podcasts-

• The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos
• Unlocking Us and Dare to Lead from Dr. Brene Brown
• Unf*ck Your Brain by Kara Lowentheil
• You can do Hard Things by Glennon Doyle
• Women of Impact by Lisa Bilyeu
• On Purpose with Jay Shetty
• Radio Diaries, Story Corps, Kind World, and Modern Love — for feel good stories

Apps-

• Calm, Serenity– for meditation, breathing
• Down Dog — for yoga
• Fiton and Fitify — for home workouts

Books-

• Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett
• Burnout and Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
• Are You Fully Charged? By Tom Rath

Note: this post was originally published in fall 2020 on my Weebly website, which no longer exists. I have since updated it slightly.